Moving on?

It was good to finally have a real break for once. No books, no computers, nothing related to my Harvard life. For a little more than two weeks, it was as if I was in some alternate universe. Time stood still – I reconnected with old friends, and we went to our favorite places, did our favorite things to do every weekend and ate our favorite food. We remembered the good old days - back when we were broke but carefree nonetheless, when we smoked with our Jesuit friend just before mass, drank cheap coffee and ate cheap combo lunches and when the biggest worry of our simple lives was making sure we do well during the almost-daily Socratic torture, err, recitation routine in law school.

To be certain, there were questions to remind me of my current state. People asked them whenever they saw me this time. I reflected on these questions and turned to my old mentors for answers. But for once, even Fr. Bernas did not have any words of wisdom this time around. He made only one request, and even that, I couldn’t promise him. I left the Jesuit residence without any optimism for the first time in several years. I thought that place always had answers.

I was happy to stay home much longer but I knew that if I did I would be doing so as a matter of denial. It seems that everybody is moving or have moved on. Several friends are married, and a good number of them are now in jobs that they would actually like to retire in. I am still a student and I don’t even know if I can get a job at the end of it, and I’m not even remotely close to settling down anytime soon (but not that I want to just yet).

There were two things that I keep telling myself as I boarded the plane back to the United States. First, that this law professor job I am aspiring for better be worth it, that is, if I can even get one, and second, that I need to start living more. I don’t know, maybe this grad student bubble isn’t all what it’s hyped up to be. But in any case, I am now back in Cambridge and I will start working with a hopeful heart. For some unknown reason, I know the universe is unfolding as it should.